I’m melting, I’m melting!

In just 4 days, I will hit the 6th month since my sleeve surgery on March 8, my 52nd birthday.
In those six months, my life has done a 180 in terms of physical health and quality of life:

I’ve lost just over 70 pounds. I am now a size 8–I had started this journey at size 18–and I weigh what I weighed in high school.

I sought help for my hip pain, was diagnosed with a partial tendon tear and bursitis that happened as a result of a fall I took, and I completed physical therapy. I still have to be careful, do stretches, and work at building strength by doing weight bearing exercises (it’s the elliptical for me) plus I work out with a recumbent bike, 6 out of 7 days a week.  I no longer limp and I am in better and better condition.

I have not binged since early October, 2017, and I do not have the urge to binge eat at all.

I’m happier overall. I do still have a dysmorphic way of seeing myself, I’m unable to look at clothes and see them as possibly fitting because I mentally still feel larger than I am, so I just go by my clothes getting loose to try on a smaller size. Fortunately, I never gave up on the idea of getting smaller again, so I still have clothes as small as size 4-5. I have no idea if I will get to that point because of the extra skin I have, but the relief I feel at not feeling electrically charged to stuff myself makes me really not care how much smaller I get. Sometimes people comment, “Don’t lose too much weight!”–but my body will just stop where it decides to. Anyway, I’m only 5’3″, so I have a way to go before I’d be considered underweight.

Getting the surgery was a super positive decision for me. I again started to consider deleting this site, but it’s my accountability. I have gone through this journey (so far) very publicly, and I did so for accountability. I am working hard to make this smaller stomach tool work.

This whole “health” thing requires mindfulness/deliberate choices, but I’m coming through for myself, and I’m proud of that.